Hey · Dudes!

last night was amazing. there is absolutely no other way i would want to spend my time than with that girl. any moment im with her immediately reminds me of why i love her so much...

as for tonight, thats a whole different story. it seems she had a date with her new worker guy shes seeing. they went to the leafs game. as lame and pathetic as it sounds, i couldnt even watch the game. it made me feel physically sick and just really upset. the thought of her with another person is something that i cant even begin to accept. i just wish i could make her happy in the way she needs to be. i know im capable of it, i just need her to see that i would do absolutely anything to make this great again. ive never had to deal with anything this difficult before. ive known this girl for half my life almost, and ive been in love with her for almost as long.

ive been sitting around, on a saturday night, listening to songs that remind me of her. for some reason this is the only thing i can bring myself to do. i just wish she could be here right now, lying with me, in my arms. i just wish she could believe me when i tell her i would do absolutely anything to make her happy.

i just wish she would let me love her again....

Im gonna start writing in this all the time, and I am going to make it totally suck. So for the first shitty entry...

Im at my dads house in Oakville for a bit. I have no bedroom, just a tiny bed in a tiny room that one of my steppeople used to live in. They somehow managed to take over mine and my sisters old rooms when we moved away. Anyways, my dad made fish sticks tonight, asked me if i wanted some, and I said "no way, fish sticks suck". Than I thought about it, and realized I'd never tryed them before, so I told him to make me a bunch. I ate the fuck of them, dont really know if I liked them or not, but I still think the whole concept is pretty nasty.

I think I might go party tomorrow night, Ive been pretty miserable the last little while so I figure I should at least try and get out of this house. Brenna wants me to go to Toronto with her, if shes still up for it tomorrow than im sure ill go. Who knows if this is a good idea or not, but i could really care less. Anything about that girl is a good idea to me.

Oh, if anyone is going to Montreal than let me know. I want to get home, but dont wanna pay an ass load this close to christmas for a shitty bus ride that takes forever. If you do drive me I promise to fall asleep and keep you no company at all, I will also smoke alot.

Later.

i work for a company called "YOUNG MALES ETC." what theyre all about is pretty much getting a bunch of young males, who are super good looking, and making them into fabulous looking MEN. its super awesome, i get paid about 300 dollars an hour to look super hot. here is my first shoot, its called "urban cowboy... looking at greatness"

this next one was more of an experimental piece, they called it "hippy hangs out". i think its needs no explanation.

ps. rosesdead was playing to my left. adam took a minute out to look at a georgeous male model.

party city.

pps. photo credit goes to gordon "sixe dudes picked me up in one week" ballhowser.

i sit at this desk.

i drink, and smoke cigarettes.

i also do some work, sometimes.

this picture is somewhat rare as im wearing pants and a shirt.

i wish i got paid for having shitty hair.

anyways, i got two fortys to drink.

peace in the middle east.

party city.

yah, so thats what i did.

i just ate a can of beans, out of the can.

i drink a 40 of bleue dry 7.1% every night, regardless of what i am doing that night.

i sleep till 3pm everyday, and usually sit on my computer for like 20 hours.

i only wear basketball shorts.

only one light works in the fort, and the toilet and fridge are both broken.

ive read about 15 issues of big brother from the mid to late 90's.

i smoke way more than i used to. its pretty much all i do.

i put my hair in a ponytail the other day just because i had nothing better to do, and it killed some time.

i got mugged by black thugs the other day, they stole three beers off of me.

everytime i leave my house i get lost, and have to hail a cab to take me to my destination.

i speak zero french, the only thing ive learned since being here is "what a bummer".

if anyone wants to help me to not have to work down here, than get ahold of me. www.twelveyear.com

ive eaten more hotdogs and poutines than any should ever eat.

i seriously couldnt be happier.

im going to get a forty.

cody.

i moved to montreal. a shit load has changed since i last wrote in this thing like 14 months ago or so. i sorta grew up, figured some stuff out, and decided i needed to get my shit together.

hopefully ive made the right decisions, and hopefully im a happy dude again.

ps. montreal is awesome.

cody.